I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
