fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need water and some morals
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