So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
