I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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