you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What a dumb baby whore.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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