You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
