Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
