I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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