u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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