ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
