SEEEEXXX PLEASE
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
