haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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