I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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