you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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