last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
