So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm really busy with my period
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