you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
