I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!