Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.