eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro