Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast