im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.