I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
