Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?