In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
