If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
