She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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