Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
