Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
