No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
