Yo dont text me then not text me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
