when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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