i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
