Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
