I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
