then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
