corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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