Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
