Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
