Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
