Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
