You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need a beard to bite.
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