So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
