you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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