ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
