just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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