i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
