I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
MIDGETS
????
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
