i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
