WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My life is pants optional.
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