the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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