he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
