That's intense
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
