I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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