i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
