These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
