he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
