wanna go halves on a baby?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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