I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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