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i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
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