Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ladies don't puke and tell
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*