yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
