just come out here and I will go home with you...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
