if i can run in heels then i can drive
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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