apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
