I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
