Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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