She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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