craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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