One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize