Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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