i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
