Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize