i think my tv is drunk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.