A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Welp...herpes.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
