If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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